Waiting

We are waiting to hear when it is time for our first trip to travel to Bulgaria.  Waiting is difficult.  I try to convince myself I am a patient person, but in truth I am not always.  I don't like to wait.  If I have to leave a voice-mail message for someone on the phone, I want them to call me back right away.  (This is in a work context where I am needing information for a file ... as to personal calls I am much more patient and realize people have busy lives).

In an effort at cost-cutting we got rid of all but the most very basic cable television.  And there is not much to watch on "regular television" so I find myself seeking something else to distract me when I don't want to be doing my chores or post-graduate studies.  The other day I thought how there used to be more music in my life, but now it all seemed to be books, reading, working, etc.  Where had the music gone?  So over the past few days I put on my headphones and just listened to my music.  Today I found that the music had come back as I was singing while getting ready for my day this morning (much to my husband's chagrin at such an early hour of the morning).  I may have to move my "concerts" to a more tolerable hour of the day.  Nonetheless it took me back to my childhood when I would sing, sing, and sing ... for hours on end.  Just because I wanted to, not just to fill the time while I was waiting ...

We miss too much of the now looking ahead to the future.  At least I know I do.  Another thing I have done to fill the gap of time is to begin to read Les Miserables.  Because I just don't get all the hype about the movie (haven't seen it yet), so I figured I needed to read the original story so that I could get the full picture.  I often find that when we have read the book, and then watch the movie, our minds fill in the gaps in the story that the movie leaves out thus adding poignancy to the theatrical production.

I know I sound like I am a person with nothing to do but wonder what to do while waiting.  Not true, I am a grand procrastinator.  I have plenty of things to do to fill the hours of the day without music or leisure reading.  I need to read my Bible more.  I need to clean house more.  I need to work on my studies more.  But I am a daydreamer at times ... I need music and I need to read fiction that inspires. Somehow, I feel the urgency to incorporate as much of it as possible in this waiting period.  Because when we finally bring home a little Bulgarian girl, I am sure I will find it doesn't really matter anymore what I need ... but what she needs instead, to grow in wisdom and godliness.

It is an anticipatory waiting.  I rush to fill the days with all the quiet moments I cherish, in anticipation for the day when it will be the crazy, busy moments of life I cherish above all others.

Well, so much for rambling philosophy ... would love to have some comments on this as I am quite in stream-of-consciousness mode this week and would love to discuss any of the above random topics --- at your leisure.